How to Get a Cat to Like You: Earn Trust Step by Step

By Tailwisp Editorial TeamUpdated October 20, 20265 min read

Cats are famous for choosing their people. Dogs often greet everyone with joy, but cats tend to wait until they have decided you are safe. The good news is that there are reliable ways to tip the decision in your favor. Almost all of them come down to one idea: give the cat choice and control.

Why cats are cautious

Cats are both predators and prey, so they approach new things carefully. A cat that came from a rescue, spent time as a stray or had little contact with people as a kitten may be extra wary. Even a confident cat appreciates good manners. Loud voices, sudden movements, looming hands and direct staring all feel threatening. Knowing this makes your approach much easier. See cat body language guide.

Step 1: Be boring and calm

When you enter a room with a new cat, sit down, look away and do nothing. Read, use your phone or talk quietly to someone else. Cats are curious, and a quiet, non-threatening person is interesting. Move slowly, speak softly, and keep your body low. Avoid reaching toward the cat. Spending a few days like this builds a foundation.

Step 2: Use the slow blink

Slow blinking at a cat, with a relaxed face, is a friendly signal that many cats return. Do not stare. Look at the cat, soften your eyes, close them slowly and look away. Repeat. If the cat blinks back, you are making progress. See what does a cat slow blink mean.

Step 3: Let the cat sniff first

Offer one finger, held at nose level, a few inches from the cat, and wait. If the cat sniffs and rubs against it, that is an invitation. If it turns away, respect that. Never push your hand into the cat's face.

Step 4: Pet the right places

Start with the areas that have scent glands that cats like to have rubbed: cheeks, chin and base of the ears. Use gentle strokes, and watch the cat's reaction. Stop before it gets irritated, which usually shows as a twitching tail, skin rippling, turned ears or a tense body. Avoid the belly, the base of the tail and paws until the cat clearly enjoys them.

Step 5: Use food and play

Food is a strong motivator. Offer a favorite treat from your hand, or toss it nearby and gradually move closer. Be consistent with feeding times. Interactive play with a wand toy lets a shy cat engage from a distance, building confidence and positive feelings. See how to play with your cat and best cat toys by personality.

Step 6: Create a predictable routine

Cats love routine. Feed, play and interact at the same times each day. Predictability reduces stress and lets the cat know when to expect you. See cat daily routine schedule.

Step 7: Respect hiding

Give the cat a safe place and do not drag it out. A cat that can hide whenever it wants will usually come out sooner. See why do cats hide.

Mistakes to avoid

• Grabbing, chasing or cornering the cat.
• Staring, which cats read as a challenge.
• Loud voices and sudden movements.
• Forcing cuddles on a cat that is trying to leave.
• Punishing the cat.
• Using strong perfumes or lotions.
• Picking up a cat that does not like it. See how to pick up and hold a cat.
• Changing the routine often.

Signs you are winning

Your cat approaches you voluntarily, rubs against your legs, holds its tail up, blinks slowly, purrs, kneads or sleeps near you. See signs your cat trusts you.

Special cases

• Shy cats: go slowly. See how to bond with a shy cat.
• Rescue cats: give a quiet room for the first week. See rescue cat first week.
• Kittens: socialize early. See kitten socialization.
• Someone else's cat: let the cat decide, and follow the owner's advice.
• Allergic to cats: see cat allergies: living with a cat.

A sample first week

Day one and two: sit in the room for ten minutes, twice a day, without reaching for the cat. Read aloud softly or just breathe slowly. Day three and four: toss a few treats near the cat and then toward yourself, a little closer each time. Day five and six: hold out a treat on a flat hand and let the cat take it. Day seven: offer one finger, and see if the cat rubs. Every cat moves at a different speed, so do not worry if you need to repeat steps for a couple of weeks. The aim is a cat that chooses to be near you.

How voice and scent help

Cats respond to a soft, higher-pitched voice more than a booming one. Speak calmly and use the same few words, so your voice becomes familiar. Your scent matters as well. Avoid heavy perfume. Letting the cat sniff a worn sock or blanket helps it get to know you. Keep your own cat's scent on your hands when meeting other cats, and wash up afterward when meeting a cat that belongs to someone else.

Children and visitors

Teach children to sit quietly, let the cat come, and use gentle, slow strokes. Show them the cheek and chin spots. Tell them to leave the cat alone when it is eating, sleeping or in its hiding place. A cat that learns that people are polite is far more likely to accept them. Supervise young children at all times.

When the cat just will not warm up

Some cats stay aloof for life, and that is fine. Aloof does not mean unhappy. Respect the cat's personality, provide a rich environment and enjoy the kind of relationship it offers, such as sharing a room without contact. If a cat shows fear or aggression rather than simple independence, speak to your vet.

When to see a vet

See a vet if a cat suddenly becomes withdrawn or aggressive. Use the US vet directory to find a clinic.